Spit Or Swallow? A BJ Beginner's Guide

Yes… we’re going there. Yoppie loves to spill the beans on the things nobody wants to talk about, so whether you’re a total newbie to giving a blow job, or you’ve always had unanswered questions, this is the guide you need. Forget all the rumours and myths you heard in high school, let’s clear some things up... 

What is a blow job?

Whether you’ve heard it called a BJ, blow job, fellatio, or something more creative from Urban Dictionary, they’re all just a bunch of colloquial terms for oral sex involving a penis. The general idea is to use your mouth in a repetitive motion on the penis to create a feeling of arousal for the receiver. Despite what the name may suggest, the only thing you don’t want to do is blow. Trust us, that won’t go down well...

Oh my! Do I have to? 

Absolutely not, you should only do what you feel comfortable with. That said, don’t be embarrassed by any curiosity you have to give it a go. It’s an intimate experience, but if you feel comfortable with your partner there’s no reason why you can’t try it to see if you like it. Also keep in mind that just because your partner goes down on you, does not mean you must ‘return the favour’. Forget any pressure you feel to reciprocate, that’s not how it works. 

I think all my friends have done it and not me. Am I a prude?

It can be difficult when your friends are very open with their sexual experiences and expect you to be the same. It’s estimated around 85% of adults between 18 and 44 have performed oral sex at some point in their lives, so it’s pretty common, but that means there are around 15% of people in this age group who think ‘Nah, not for me!’ and that’s absolutely OK. 

If you are still young and discovering sex for the first time, remember there’s no rush. In fact, waiting to try some things later is often a great idea - like saving the best sweets in a box of chocolates to eat last! 

How do I do it? 

Unless you accidentally bite down, there’s really no way to mess up a blow job, but the important thing is to communicate with your partner - everyone can enjoy something different! In principle it’s just a lot of licking, sucking, and basically putting the penis in your mouth in a repetitive motion. Begin with your hands to get things going, then start licking to apply some saliva to keep things slick and smooth. Some partners will prefer the hand action, or to lick with or without flavoured lube. Keep that communication up!

Slide your mouth up and down the penis, taking it as far in as feels comfortable and is okay for your partner. Keep the penis lubricated, your teeth out of the way, and voila! That’s pretty much it. If your jaw starts to hurt or become stiff, try alternating between mouth and hands to switch it up and give your jaw a rest and - we can’t stress this enough - maintain open communication with your partner at all times to make sure you’re both enjoying yourselves! 

What if I gag? 

It’s normal for your gag reflex to kick in, as the penis may reach the back of your throat. Try the above method of switching between mouth and hands, or place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth to create a barrier so the penis hits the underside of the tongue instead. This gives the illusion of ‘deep’ but keeps things shallow and manageable for you. 

Are there any special techniques? 

There are all sorts of techniques you might hear relating to blow jobs, some more adventurous than others! We’ll cover the basics of what objectively makes a good blow job:

• Make sure you have enough saliva or edible lube to keep things slick.
• Try using your hands to explore the full genital area, like the balls and thighs.
• Switch up motions and tempo regularly to keep it interesting for both of you.
• Let your tongue explore to find what your partner likes; the head, frenulum (the small ridge where the head connects to the shaft), scrotum, wherever you feel comfortable.

What about when they, you know…?

Ah yes, the age-old question… spit or swallow?! Again, communication becomes key so before getting down to business make sure you’ve had the discussion with your partner. Nobody wants surprise ejaculation in unwanted locations!

When your partner ejaculates, there are technically three options. Firstly, if you’re not keen on having semen in your mouth, bring them to near climax then switch to using your hands to take them the rest of the way. Job done. 

If you’re happy to have them finish in your mouth, you can either spit out the semen afterwards or swallow it. Contrary to schoolyard rumours, you cannot get pregnant by swallowing semen. The choice is yours, and whether you spit, swallow, or switch to hands, your partner will likely enjoy it regardless. 

What if they don’t climax? 

Don’t worry if your partner doesn’t ejaculate. An orgasm isn’t always the goal with oral sex (or any kind of sex, for that matter!) and your partner may enjoy themselves without reaching the stage of ejaculation. Sometimes BJs are just a bit of fun without an endgame, sometimes they are just foreplay, and that’s OK.  

Can you catch an STI by giving a blow job?

Yes. STIs spread via any contact with bodily fluids or the skin of an infected person, so it’s possible to catch one while giving a blow job. Some of the most common STIs to catch through oral sex are chlamydia, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), and syphilis, and a good way to avoid catching something is to use a condom.

Got a question about blow jobs? We’re not shy about answering! Shout out over in our private Facebook group, or drop us a note on Insta @itsyoppie. Don't forget that our personalised menstrual care subscription can get organic tampons, PMS supplements and much more delivered easily and regularly through your letterbox, which frees up some headspace for thinking about the more fun things you can get up to down there...

Fact checked by Doctor Samantha Miller.